Today I had a pre-natal checkup. The kind where they weight you, take your BP, listen to the baby, measure the bump and ask if you are ok and if the baby is kicking. Pretty simple easy and straightforward…well, except for the peeing in a cup. C’mon…it’s hard enough to do without a 40lb bump in your middle, let alone now…and with those TINY cups….I’m glad their soap dispenser is always full!

Anyhow, as I was sitting in the waiting room and Jake was shocking other women in the waiting room with his reading skills I overheard (well, you really couldn’t help it…she talked LOUD) this woman act completely and utterly shocked to know that her due date was 3 weeks away. At first I thought she was just so tired and out of it that it snuck up on her quickly. I was wrong. She then made a phone call and incredulously informed the person on the other end that she was due in three weeks so she better get to the store to buy some baby stuff. “I’m in shock,” she said. Then she said “I’ll have to call Pastor and tell him I just found out I’m due in three weeks.”
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Recently my son started preschool. He’s 3 1/2 and was insistent that he wanted to go, so he goes 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours to a preschool at the local Methodist Church. We’re not Methodists, but they have a nice program and since the public school essentially only has a preschool program for special needs kids, we didn’t have much of a choice.

When he first started they had a little parent teacher conference just to meet us and go over some of the ways they operate. During this time they “conned” me into signing up to bring a snack on a future day (today) and restricted it to being a “healthy” snack. They also asked me to “help” on that do too if possible for the day in the classroom.
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I’d like to take a moment to gripe about something.

Now, I know how shocking it would be for anyone who knows me to picture me - me - actually complaining about something (that was sarcasm, by the way) but it must be said.

The people who design maternity clothes are demented. Anyone who would cause (additional) undue suffering upon a pregnant woman is obviously mentally ill. If you read any sort of descriptions or recommendations about maternity clothes, they tell you that you buy your pre-pregnancy size because the maternity clothes are designed to accommodate the extra weight. Yea, maybe on the moon. I’m AT LEAST 2 sizes up in maternity clothes than my pre-pregnancy size and they’re even too tight. Nothing like having to pull your sleeves and pant legs out of your sweaty body crevices during a meeting because they’re too tight and keep creeping up into places that shouldn’t even exist to begin with.
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Today I got my weekly pregnancy email from Americanbaby.com.

This week is supposedly week 33 of 40 for me, and I enjoy reading their little updates on where the baby is currently as far a development goes.

They also have a blurb about “your body” and the changes it is likely going through for this week.

Part of “your body” for this week reads as follows:
Each breast gains one pound in fat and specialized tissue.
This week, maybe they did, but over the entire pregnancy so far I swear I’m looking at - at least - 5 lbs EACH! I know some women enjoy this added enhancement to their figure but some of us JUST DON”T NEED IT!

They simply don’t make a 38PPP!

My son asked me that question today at dinner.

Why is it September?

How in the heck do I answer that one? He’s quite prone to “why, this” and “why, that” and we try not to use “because I said so” and actually explain to him the answer to his question. He’s not even four years old yet, so often the answers merely lead to more “why’s.”

Today was no exception with the constant barrage of questioning, and for the most part I gave him reasonable answers. Until he looked up at the calendar and said “September, why is it September?” Now before I go any further I would like to explain that, yes, my precocious 3 year old has been reading pretty much since he turned three. And not just memorization, full blown reading.

So, back to the issue at hand.

Why is it September?

Anyone?

Please tell me so that the next time he asks I have a reasonable answer. At this age they expect us to know everything and I’d like to maintain the charade for as long as possible.

C’mon, admit it….you wore them. I know I did…I can’t believe I did, but I did. Luckily I don’t think any photographic evidence exists so there is no proof.

Anyhow, this morning I saw a woman wearing them while she was power walking down the street by my house. I was torn between laughing at the fashion fau paux or reminsicing about the “good old days.”

They still sell slouch socks…actually quite a lot around the web. Here’s an example from Amazon.com: Thorlo Women’s Moderate Cushion Fitness Slouch Sock

So the entire morning I have been pondering the “point” of slouch socks. It couldn’t have been looks, because they really are stupid looking. Functionally you spent most of your time re-slouching them, and mostly they were worn with shorts so you could see them so it wasn’t a warmth issue. Although that brings up the whole leg-warmers issue. People wore them while working out and with shorts as well as in the winter with skirts. Functionally, the winter use I can understand, but beyond that WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?

Last night my husband, son and I were out and about at a function I had to attend for work. After the event, around 6:45 or so, we left starving and decided we would stop to find something to eat. My son kept making wonderful suggestions from McDonalds to White Castle, and I while I appreciated his frugal-ness, we wanted something a little more healthy.

So we drove for awhile, actually about 30 minutes towards home and then beyond looking for something we could all agree on. It was one of those nights…. Anyhow, we happened across an Applebees and although I think they are overpriced, we turned into the lot and made our way inside.

From the get-go it wasn’t quite an ideal experience. We walked in to an empty waiting area only to be passed and ignored by three employees before one finally came up to us and asked us how many. My husband told them, “three and we would like a booth if possible.” My son tends to be a fidgity-gibit and he’s easier to control in a booth. Anyhow, we walked past no less than three empty booths to be taken to a table. My husband said “are there any booths available?” (having seen the same three I did). The hostess said “well, I can clean that one off if you want to wait.” “That would be great” my husband said still being diplomatic.

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My son has an ever so “fun” thing he likes to do when you ask him to do something and you don’t happen to be right next to him. Here’s an example:

Me (from the kitchen): “Jacob, can you come here?”
Jake (from his room): “What?”
Me (from the kitchen): “Please come here.”
Jake (from his room): “What?”
Me (from the kitchen): “Please come here.” (a bit louder)
Jake (from his room): “What?”

If I’m distracted, this can go on for a good 5 minutes and often does, until finally the clueless adult (me) says “you heard me” and he says “ok” and comes running.

This happens easily once a week.

I’m just wondering if I’ll ever catch on?

Ok, I admit it…I’m not a very good cook. In fact, I’m not even very good at simply heating things up either.

Let’s take frozen pizza for instance. Seems simple enough. Pre-heat oven to 425. I can do that, no problem. Heck, I even remember to check the oven for any stray items left in there (a story for another time). Pre-heat buzzer dings, place pizza on sheet, put in oven and set timer for 20 minutes. No problem, right?

Wrong!

What’s the deal with putting a cardboard backer behind a pizza that is inside a cardboard box? It gets me every time! I don’t think I’ve made a Red Baron pizza yet that I didn’t wreck because I left the cardboard on while cooking. Ugg….what a soggy mess.

As much as I’m a bad cook, I really think that the Baron is to blame here. I mean, wouldn’t logic tell you that if it’s INSIDE cardboard it doesn’t need to be ON cardboard?

Anyone?

Is that laughing I hear?

It’s not my fault. It’s a bad design. Faulty really.

Wanna come over for some frozen pizza? There is plenty left.